You are viewing vanishdtwilight

Right now I’m waiting for a repair guy to show up to fix our sink. By fix, I mean replace. Our sink is 40+ years old and made of porcelain. The seal around the faucet has eroded away so much that the guy said we need a new sink entirely. I’m actually kind of excited to get a new sink. Must be a product of being an “adult.” Yes, those quote are necessary.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately. I’d say this increase in reading has a lot to do with me deleting facebook. I finally finished reading the first volume of Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman, which I had started a long time ago but never got back to it. Luckily Kevin has volume 2 and 3, so I’ll probably get into the next book sometime this weekend or next.

I’m also in the process of reading a fiction novel and a self-help book. George R.R. Martin’s A Feast for Crows has been getting extremely interesting. For some reason I have a hard time reading a lot of that book in one sitting. Sometimes the descriptions of clothing and family history are just a bit too much. But now the story has picked up and a lot of interesting things are going on.

As for the self-help book, I’m reading the Depression Cure. There’s a lot of really interesting and valuable knowledge in it. The book says that you can eliminate depression through six life style changes: increase omega 3 in-take, get more sunlight, exercise, socialize, get enough sleep, and stop dwelling on negative thoughts (rumination). He takes a historical prospective to show how depression has increased overtime because of our first world privileges and conveniences. Very fascinating read, and if you suffer any sort of depression or want to be able to prevent yourself from getting depressed, I highly recommend this book.

Kevin and I played Plants vs. Zombies co-op mode the other day, and holy moley is that freakin’ fun. Seriously, if you can play co-op with someone, you should do it. We haven’t played versus yet, but I imagine it’s just as fun. Kevin is super addicted to that game, and I would play it right now if I didn’t have the intention to write and/or read.

Yesterday I took Scout to the vet to get him checked out and for him to get his next shot. I decided to change vets based on the fact that Scout was afraid of the last vet – he tried to bolt when he heard her heavy footsteps coming – and she didn’t really bother to explain anything to me. I found out inadvertently through questions that Scout has feline herpes. That would have really been nice to know when they gave him to me after they neutered him. Plus the old vet’s building is this tiny little place that is kind of crummy – small, cramped, and their staff was not exactly t best.

This new place was very big, with lots of open space so that the animals can have its own space if it needs it. The receptionists were very friendly, and the vet was super awesome. While we were waiting for us to go into the exam room, Scout was actually purring. He was a little scared when we first got there, but I have no idea what helped him settle down enough to let him start purring.

We went into the exam room, and when the vet came in, Scout didn’t bolt or try to get away (of course he was in his carrier at the time, but he didn’t look nervous at all). We put him on the counter, and he was very patient as the vet checked him out. When she tried to listen to his heart, he started to purr. He has a little bit of fat on him, so she said to regulate his feeding (currently we just leave food out for him). Other than that, he’s very healthy. She gave him his leukemia shot very quickly, so it wasn’t any big deal or anything. She answered all our questions very straight forward, made great recommendations, and was overall just very, very friendly.

He must be feeling a little crummy because he spent all last night sleeping next to me (which he does often but not through the whole night). Today he threw up and is looking kind of pathetic – probably just reacting to the shot. His back is sore where he got the shot; he ducks down if I accidentally pet him there. I’m just really happy to know that despite him sneezing gigantic boogers on me (a side effect of his herpes), he’s really healthy.

Nothing else is really going on besides attending classes. I had the flu last week, which was pretty terrible, but I’m better now. Three more weeks and then spring break. I’m looking forward to next quarter and graduation in JUNE.
It’s only been six days since I deleted my facebook, and I have to say that I don’t think I’m going to miss it. I’ve been spending less time in front of the computer. I still leave my personal email and twitter open, but considering that those are really the only two things I tab between, my desire to use the computer has lessened, if only slightly. I’m sure the cat appreciates it since he’s been getting more attention lately.

This morning I have opened a new tab a few times thinking “facebook.” It’s kind of a strange and weird first world problem to have – kicking an addiction to a social network. Well, I did it for myspace, I’m sure I can do it for facebook as well. Enough on this topic.

Two days ago, one of my 7 goldfish came down with some sort of sickness. He’s been bloated and has pop eye, so Kevin and I spent Friday night cleaning the disgusting and neglected sick tank so that we could treat him. The next day another one of our fish got pop-eye. Though neither of them is lethargic, the first fish hasn’t been eating and he looks TERRIBLE. He definitely has dropsy now. :/ The past few days, as soon as I got out of bed, I looked at the tank expecting a floating fish. Nothing so far, so hopefully I’ll be able to help them through this. Ugh, so stressful.

I have a biology test tomorrow. Kevin and I spent 5 hours last night working on school work, and that entire five hours was spent filling out the study guide for the test. I feel weirdly prepared, especially considering that I tend to wait to the very last minute before I even think about studying for a test. Here’s hoping I ace this one!

I’ve had the desire to write, but I’m not sure what I want to work on. Plus, I have so much other work I should do that I would feel a little guilty working on something non-school related. Yet here I am writing this entry! It’s mostly for ease of mind.

My quest to lose weight hasn’t been going so well. I lost four pounds, which was really awesome! Then I gained two pounds back. Haha. I need to train myself to eat throughout the day instead of my usual one meal at the end of the day. Exercising has been going well though. Kevin and I go to the gym three days a week, and we’re talking about doing some fencing training on the in-between days. Sounds super cool and super sexy.

I guess that’s all that’s going on today. I’m reluctant to end this entry because that means I should work on school work. Maybe I’ll read a book instead. >.>

No. 614 - 2011 Resolutions

Last year I made 4 resolutions. They were

1. Build a writing habit
2. Build a reading habit
3. Get in shape.
4. Do as much research as possible for upcoming novel. Have everything ready to start writing January 1, 2011.

How many of those succeeded? NONE. I tried to follow those as much and as long as I could, and I think it was about April that all of those dissolved away completely. By April, no one really bothers to reflect on, "Okay, what were my new years resolutions again?" I never reassessed, never bothered to try to get back into the habit or reading or writing. It simply just...died.

This year, there's really one main resolution that I want to keep and follow through on.

Live in the present.

That's it. Well, actually, there are three more. But the one above is really what I want to focus on. The other three are

Eat healthier
Think positive

I believe that if I can at least succeed in living in the present, that the others will be easy to maintain. If I live each day for just that day, I can ask myself, "Did I eat well today?" and "Did I exercise today?" If I can say "yes" to both, then I can be happy.

I also need to teach myself to stop projecting my negative feelings onto others. I get irritated so easily over such minute things - it's no wonder I'm depressed most of the time. "She's soooo annoying. I hate the kids in my classes. They're so stupid!" But why? Are they really annoying, or am I projecting it? Are they stupid, or am I not giving them the benefit of the doubt? And, really, what does it matter to me, my life, my world whether another person who isn't even an aspect of my life minus the 50 minutes I have to share a space with them is intelligent or not? Why am I focusing my entire day over one stupid little incident that I won't remember in a few days anyway?

If I live in the present and not project negative feelings onto others, there's no way I would dig that hole of depression. I just need to train my brain to not be so negative all the time.

There are lots of goals I want to do, but I need to not overwhelm myself. But, just so I can get it out of my head, here are some other things I hope to do in 2011.

- Lose 20-25 pounds to look like this again.

-Participate in a 5k run, and perhaps even a half marathon later in the year.

-Build a cleaning habit so that the house isn't a pigsty all the time.
--Clean the kitchen every night before going to bed.

-Be more sociable. (This one will be particularly hard for me.)

-Spend more time reading.


-Journal EVERYDAY. I cannot tell you how much journaling helps my mental state.

-Go hiking more.

-Study Japanese EVERYDAY -- even if it's just a word or phrase.

So on and so forth. It's those "everyday" ones that kill me. Routine is not my forte, but it's something I want to fix.

For now, I'm just going to stick with the four above, and the rest will just be an added bonus.

cross-posted from

2010 in Review

I always feel that you can't really do a review on the year until it's completely over. That's probably because my birthday is on the 30th. So, for a little fun, here's a meme to help review 2010.

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
I suppose the easiest thing that I can remember is winning NaNoWriMo.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I made several, and it's quite clear that I did not fulfill those resolutions. This year, I will be making some, but more achievable.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My uncle died in late March.

5. Which countries did you visit?
Didn't leave the country this past year, but hoping to do something about that this year. :O

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
A year without depression.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
In April I visited Kansas for my uncle's funeral. In August, Kevin and I visited his family and got to spend five days at the beach. November 25th I won NaNoWriMo.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Aside from winning NaNoWriMo, I think mainly surviving is a big one. Not to make it sound like I was like suicidally depressed, but every quarter I think I contemplated dropping out of my classes and saying "fuck it" -- but I stuck it through and with two quarters left, the light is at the end of the tunnel.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I started a resolution to write everyday, and I did fairly well up until April. After that visit to Kansas, I just couldn't get back into the groove, and never bothered to try.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
October and November I suffered some pretty heavy depression. The worst I've felt since...2006 maybe?

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Scout. I didn't buy him from a pet store; I got him from the local animal shelter. But a lot of money goes into setting up kitty comforts, so all the money I spent on him has been well worth it. He brings me happiness that no material possession could ever give me.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Hmm... probably my parents for putting up with my bullshit, especially since I went six months without seeing them.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
That's kind of a rude thing to say. I will say that when Kevin gets stressed, I get stressed. I shouldn't have to own his stress, but I do. Something to work on. Also, I'm appalled at my own negativity.

14. Where did most of your money go?
What money? I'd say the 2 week vacation we took to California ate up the most money.

15. What were you really, really, really excited about?
Vacation was definitely something I desperately needed. Also, NaNoWriMo was pretty damn sexy.

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
Oh, probably ASIAN KUNG-FU GENERATION's A New Century.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) Happier or sadder?
I'd say equally determined.

b) Bigger or smaller?
20 pounds bigger.

c) Richer or poorer?
Equally poor.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Exercising and exploring the world.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Being negative.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it at my parents' house for a few hours, then came home and got intoxicated. woo!

21. What was your favourite month of 2010?
August probably.

22. Did you fall in love in 2010?
With my kitty. Continued to be in love with Kevin. We're coming up on two years.

23. What was your favourite TV programme?
Tosh.0, hands down.

24. How did you see in the New Year?
What's with this tense problem? Christmas hasn't happened yet but now New Years is past tense? Anyway, I spent it sitting on the couch, watching Tosh.0 and fucking around on the internet. How exciting.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't think so...

26. What was the best book you read?
Wicked by Gregory Mcguire. Probably the best writing I've read in a long, long time. Which is funny, because I read a lot of reviews about the book and how he "can't write", but then I read reviews for The Name of the Wind and see how everyone thinks he's a great writer. Well, to each their own, right?

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Sadly, I don't think I listened to any new bands in the last year. Maybe Jane's Addiction?

28. What did you want and get?
A kitty, and a kindle.

29. What did you want and not get?
Digital SLR.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
I have no idea. There really wasn't anything that I saw that made me go "Wow, I have to see that again!"

31. What did you do on your birthday?
Went to the bar, came home, played Portal.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Less negativity.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
As I gained weight, sweat pants have become my friends. Probably the worst fashion concept ever.

34. What kept you sane?
Music, support from Kevin, kitteh.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I don't give a rats ass about celebrities.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Nothing enough to make me do anything about it.

37. Who did you miss?
Girl friends. I have trouble with female friends. :/

38. Who was the best new person you met?

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
Don't ever allow yourself to shut down completely. It's so hard to get started again...

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
No thanks.

Overall, I'd say 2010 was probably the most uneventful year I've experienced. Minus my uncle's passing and the two week vacation to Cali, nothing really happened. Spent a lot of time at home, becoming a little bit too comfortable with eating unhealthy food and not doing much of anything. I went to classes, of course, but again nothing memorable or exciting happened. I think this past year I plunged into a void of negativity that prevented me from getting out and doing stuff. I got so comfortable in my romantic relationship that I thought I didn't need much else. I can't tell you how many times I felt elated about something over the year, but I can certainly pinpoint times where I was depressed and feeling extremely negative.

The things that made me happy in 2010 were
-getting Scout
-vacationing in California for 2 weeks
-spending 5 of those days in an ocean-front room in Pismo Beach
-attending PAX
-winning NaNoWriMo

I learned more about photography. I learned a bit about writing and grammar and linguistics. I learned more about art history, and renewed my love for ceramics and pottery throwing. Over the summer I rediscovered my love for the Japanese language.

I also learned some things about myself. I'm insecure. I set expectations on everything way too high. I'm arrogant and stubborn. I allow myself to be influenced by the outside world. Yet at the same time, it's not exactly the outside world that influences me: it's my perceptions of the outside world. I create lofty and often unattainable goals for myself. I allow my laziness to control me.

With all these things in mind, it's time for me to start making some changes, which will be detailed in the next post.

cross-posted from

No. 528

Is where all my updates are going these days. Should I cross post here?

Let me know!

No. 527

New post hurrrrrrrr...

kk bai.

No. 502

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die


I seriously LOL'd a LOT.

No. 492 - An Essay on Gay Marriage

Preface: This is MY opinion. You're free to disagree and argue with me, but I will NOT tolerate a flame war. I know a lot of people will disagree on points, but any display of hatred and intolerance will result in immediate removal from friends list and deletion of comments.

I read a few things recently that really, really bothered me. It’s centered around Prop 8 in California, but this is really about Gay Marriage in general. First, let us look at the exact wording for Prop 8:

The official ballot title language for Proposition 8 is "Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry." The entirety of the text to be added to the constitution is: "Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California."1

Shall the California Constitution be changed to eliminate the right of same-sex couples to marry providing that only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California?2

There’s also Prop 102 in Arizona:

Proposition 102 would amend the Arizona Constitution to provide that only a union of one man and one woman shall be valid or recognized as a marriage in this state.3

And Florida’s Amendment 2:

This amendment protects marriage as the legal union of only one man and one woman as husband and wife and provides that no other legal union that is treated as marriage or the substantial equivalent thereof shall be valid or recognized.4

Now let us take a trip through history. Read more...Collapse )

Latest Month

February 2011


RSS Atom
Powered by
Designed by Kenn Wislander